We all have that nagging, hateful, condescending voice in the back of our head. The voice that tells us that we aren’t good enough, aren’t smart enough, and that we’ll fail before we’ve even tried. I hear that voice when I’m trying on swimsuits, when I want to take a new class, when I’m in a big group of people. I hate that voice and while I haven’t quite figured out how to silence it yet, I have learned to let some of its negativity go. Here are four negative thoughts that you need to let go of ASAP.
1. “You Shouldn’t Have Done/Said/Wore That”
This is just guilt and regret, which is the past crippling us in the here and now. The word “should” needs to be stricken from your vocabulary. Try replacing every “should” with the word “could” and see what a difference it makes. Instead of “I should have spoken more kindly to the kids,” say “I could have spoken more kindly and next time I will.”
Guilt is an emotion that all mothers feel rather deeply and it stems from us wanting to do a good job and feeling bad when we think we’ve come up short. But the truth of it is that we’ll always come up short. No one can be a perfect mother all of the time. You have to give yourself a little leeway to enjoy time for yourself, and time with your friends, and husband. You have to learn from the days where you’re barely holding it together instead of beating yourself up about it. Ultimately, you can’t change the past, you have to just keep moving forward.
2. “I Could Never Do That”
Maybe you want to take a Zumba class, but you talk yourself out of it because you don’t want to look stupid. Maybe you want to wear that bright red lipstick, but you convince yourself that you can’t pull it off. Maybe you want to take that cooking class, but you just know you’ll fail. So what? There are worse things in the world than looking out of place. Maybe you will fail, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll love it or maybe it will be the worst thing you’ve ever done. Either way, at least you’ll know — if you just shut that voice up and take the risk. There’s no good reason why someone else can do it and you can’t.
3. “I’ll Be Happy When…”
I’ll be happy when I lose 10 pounds. I’ll be happy when I can buy that new dress. I’ll be happy when the baby is sleeping through the night. Happiness is not a destination. Don’t wish away all your happy days waiting for better ones ahead. We don’t know what the future holds for us, we only know what we have now. Don’t waste your messy, sticky, hectic moments waiting for perfect ones … they aren’t coming.
4. “Every Moment Is Precious”
This might not sound like a negative thought, but it kind of is. We’re so conditioned into believing that we have to savor and enjoy every single moment with our children and we feel guilty when we don’t. Don’t feel bad: some moments just downright stink. Like when your baby has an explosive diaper and has poop up to his armpits. Or you’re up for the third time with a squalling infant and it’s 3 in the morning and you’re so tired your eyes burn. Or when you’re battling your 5-year-old to just get dressed and get in the car already. Not all moments are meant to be savored, some just have to be endured. Don’t feel like less of a mom because you’re not reveling in every single second of childhood.
1. “You Shouldn’t Have Done/Said/Wore That”
This is just guilt and regret, which is the past crippling us in the here and now. The word “should” needs to be stricken from your vocabulary. Try replacing every “should” with the word “could” and see what a difference it makes. Instead of “I should have spoken more kindly to the kids,” say “I could have spoken more kindly and next time I will.”
Guilt is an emotion that all mothers feel rather deeply and it stems from us wanting to do a good job and feeling bad when we think we’ve come up short. But the truth of it is that we’ll always come up short. No one can be a perfect mother all of the time. You have to give yourself a little leeway to enjoy time for yourself, and time with your friends, and husband. You have to learn from the days where you’re barely holding it together instead of beating yourself up about it. Ultimately, you can’t change the past, you have to just keep moving forward.
2. “I Could Never Do That”
Maybe you want to take a Zumba class, but you talk yourself out of it because you don’t want to look stupid. Maybe you want to wear that bright red lipstick, but you convince yourself that you can’t pull it off. Maybe you want to take that cooking class, but you just know you’ll fail. So what? There are worse things in the world than looking out of place. Maybe you will fail, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll love it or maybe it will be the worst thing you’ve ever done. Either way, at least you’ll know — if you just shut that voice up and take the risk. There’s no good reason why someone else can do it and you can’t.
3. “I’ll Be Happy When…”
I’ll be happy when I lose 10 pounds. I’ll be happy when I can buy that new dress. I’ll be happy when the baby is sleeping through the night. Happiness is not a destination. Don’t wish away all your happy days waiting for better ones ahead. We don’t know what the future holds for us, we only know what we have now. Don’t waste your messy, sticky, hectic moments waiting for perfect ones … they aren’t coming.
4. “Every Moment Is Precious”
This might not sound like a negative thought, but it kind of is. We’re so conditioned into believing that we have to savor and enjoy every single moment with our children and we feel guilty when we don’t. Don’t feel bad: some moments just downright stink. Like when your baby has an explosive diaper and has poop up to his armpits. Or you’re up for the third time with a squalling infant and it’s 3 in the morning and you’re so tired your eyes burn. Or when you’re battling your 5-year-old to just get dressed and get in the car already. Not all moments are meant to be savored, some just have to be endured. Don’t feel like less of a mom because you’re not reveling in every single second of childhood.
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